Deeper

Last night during our family devotions Samuel volunteered to pray for our requests. While praying he remarked, "Thank you God, for the great life you have given us." I swallow hard and hold back the tears, and my heart echos his prayer. "Yes God thank you for this great life you have given us."

Going through the hectic ordeal with Malachi was really eye opening and gave me a deeper sense of thankfulness. In my worry and fearful thoughts I couldn't help but to be thankful for all the resources that were accessible. Especially the ability for Malachi to see good medical care. It may not have met the standards we were acquainted with in the States but compared to our neighbors in Kotido, phenomenal is an understatement. How could I be ungrateful? My thoughts kept wandering to the many mothers who have brought their sick, diseased, deformed, handicapped and dying to our gate for help. I was grateful because unlike many of these mothers we had the opportunity to get Malachi better health care and we even had options to go out of the country. Options. Not a word many people, especially these mothers we had seen, would even know.

Many times I also take technology for granted. It can truly be such a wonderful thing. Especially with the way "snail" mail travels here. I have a computer giving me the opportunity to email and to blog so people could know how to pray. And many friends and family were standing beside us. WOW. I am humbled. Many people all around the world were praying. Really? We are so blessed; God you are so good. While we were seeking God for answers I wanted to resort back to my old controlling self (okay I probably actually did resort back a time or two) of just finding a solution and "figuring it all out" but I could feel God wanting to take me to a deeper level of faith. Funny how I want to see His power and might but not with my own kids. He loves Malachi more than I do and has the whole world in His hands. I try to let go...while thinking of Abraham and what God ask of him in sacrificing Isaac.

I want to abandon that controlling mind. Abandon the self reliance. Abandon what makes sense and replace it with God's will. I don't want to follow what makes sense or what seems practical but I want to follow the voice of God and what he desires for our life. In the back of my mind I kept telling myself, "self, whatever the outcome of this situation I want you to glorify God." So He takes me deeper. Deeper into faith, deeper into His love, deeper into His presence, deeper
into Thankfulness.

I am always reminded it's in the pickles of life we get to see God's power. It is in the pickles of life we get to see God's miracles. The size of our pickles might be different but we all sometimes find ourselves in the same place. Times when we don't have the answers, when we have no where else to go. He pries our fingers from our will and replaces it with something extraordinaire. In surrender, face down on the ground looking up to Him (right where He wants us) we ask, "What next? Direct us God, for you are God and we are not!" We keep trying
to live this life thinking we have all the answers and resources and God continually says, "Nope" And our faith grows, and He is glorified. It only starts with a mustard seed. I know if you are a practical person like me none of this seems to make sense. Listening for the voice of God? Waiting for His direction? Let me tell you; I have learned God is not about practicality. Just read the Bible, or even the Gospels for that matter. Jesus, the son of God, God Himself came down in the flesh and was born in a barn. Practical? I think not. God, Your ways are higher than our ways!

And Here is the latest on Malachi: We are home in Kotido now. After getting another blood test it was more looking like a bad virus that would resolve itself. We will repeat the blood work in about 3 weeks to see if this truly is the case.