After people hear that we are going to be missionaries in a remote area of Africa I usually get one of two statements. "I could never do that," or "I hope God never calls me to Africa." I have a tendency to laugh at these statements because ironically I used to think them or say them to myself. Going to Africa always seemed like an adventurous thing to do, but it wasn't for me or my family.
Two years ago I would not have dreamed we would leave the States. First of all I was rather comfortable, and second I could never imagine leaving my family (and my dogs :)), third, I was comfortable, fourth, I like flushing toilets, fifth, we were already serving God, sixth, did I mention I was comfortable? I can remember during college thinking Cody and I would be missionaries one day or rather that we would be serving God in some capacity. I will be honest and tell you that after we had Carter I put that little "idea" aside because now it seemed it was time for us to raise a family. It was this perfect picture of compartmentalized faith. You don't do one or the other, they go hand in hand. When God started to shake things up sometime after he (Carter) was born, I would resist every way possible not embracing what God had called us to nor was I trusting Him. I had this idea of how to serve God but it seemed to be my way, on my terms, with me still having control. It was safe. I didn't want the pain of being let down, or having "my plan" (The American Dream) destroyed. (Maybe I am more strong willed than I thought....lol)
Luckily we serve a very patient, gracious God. He has moved mountains in my life and in my heart. As I said before I always romanticized the idea of being a missionary in Africa but never dreamed it would actually happen and would happen when my quiver was full. But God is continually teaching me to let go. To let go of my desires, to let go of my worries, to let go of my plan and agenda. Trust. Be still. The way I see it is that I have two choices. I can worry and make myself crazy or I can trust in who God says He is and He has always proven Himself. Maybe not the way I wanted or thought He would but He has. I have to deny myself and my emotions and stick to the truth of the Bible.
With all of that said it has been exciting to see God changing my heart. My desires are changing, and the things I always felt were important don't seem to be anymore. In order for God to change us we have to be willing. And even if you are not willing you have to admit that to God (He knows anyway) and ask Him to change your heart. Read His word, find out who He is and what He asks of us. Do realize though that with that prayer there might be pain. Because God is continually trying to put more of Him in our lives and less of ourselves (James 1:2-4. 1 Peter 1:6-7...look these up they are good). This is a good thing, which might not always seem that way.
I leave you with this video it is about 10 minutes but well worth it.
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